NO GRISHNACKHING AT THE DINNER TABLE!

I have, on occasion, found myself so frustrated with the ongoing shennanegins and dynamics between the teenager and the pre-schooler, that I will simply let fly a loud, low and very gutteral growl. ‘WUUUUOOOOAAARRUUUGGGHHHH.’ Yes. Pretty much exactly that.  It is the sort of feral noise I think of as my own personal ‘black metal [...]

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PRAISE BE THE PARSNIP AS THE MORNING ASSHOLE DIES

I watched in silent joy.
My wife watched too, in silence.
Even the teenager was quiet and sneaking a look or three.
I felt a small tear well up in my right-eye, and at the same time, a short quivver ran down my spine. How, I briefly pondered, had it come to this? Such joy over such things?
The [...]

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I WANT A PENIS!

One afternoon, a warm ,sunny San Franciscan Monday afternoon, the pre-schooler suddenly yelled from the back of the car. ”I WANT A PENIS, A PE-PE-PE-PEEEEEEENIS!”
“I’m afraid you can’t have one,” I replied calmly, all the while stifling a giggle, because if you don’t think hearing your pre-schooler yell ‘PENIS’ at high volume is funny, then I [...]

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MORNING HAS BROKEN, MY MENTAL SPIRIT…

I
hate
mornings.
Not the 8 am bit of the morning, no no, that bit’s nice. perhaps a little sunny, always a little brighter and maybe even a little enjoyable.
No, I hate the dark stillness of the 6 am morning, the bit of the morning which quite frankly, I am not genetically designed to like. I should be [...]

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