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Archive for April, 2009

TIME WITH THE TEENAGER…

Posted in Uncategorized on April 29, 2009 | 1 Comment »

I haven’t said much about the teenager in recent weeks because, frankly, there hasn’t been much to say. Trust me, this is a good thing. Aside from the occasional collapse into primordial whinging, the occasional ‘I am the world and nothing else exists’ space-out plus a little too sister-ribbing at the dinner table, he is [...]

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WHEN ENERGY AND PATIENCE COLLIDE…IT’S JUST PART OF LIFE

Posted in Uncategorized on April 22, 2009 | 1 Comment »

Where, oh where oh where oh where, do small children get their boundless amounts of energy from? Last night, I took off to see my favorite action hero, Jason Statham, in the glorrifically un-PC “Crank 2,” a film so utterly and wonderfully tasteless that in 88 minutes it voraciously insults everyone for you without the [...]

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DRUGS & FRUIT JUICE

Posted in Uncategorized on April 15, 2009 | 2 Comments »

“DO YOU HEAR ME SON, I want one of every single fucking drug you sell, double-strength, and I want them in a brown paper bag which I’ll pick up in 25 minutes, otherwise I’ll administer fruit juice to you in ways you never dreamed were possible…you hear me son?“
“(muffled sound, wind) Fru…fruit joooooce…OK. Yes.”
“You like [...]

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HAIR TIE LOST IN COFFEE SHOP TOILET: TOT TRAUMATIZED

Posted in Uncategorized on April 8, 2009 | 1 Comment »

She had just popped off the toilet seat and pulled her pants up when she directed my gaze towards the bowl.
“Look Dada, a hair-tie.”
I didn’t think much of it. A long-haired woman had vacated the WC moments before, and left behind her such a grotesque smell that I immediately thought it must be hers. It [...]

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RETAIL THERAPY? YES YES YES!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized on April 2, 2009 | 1 Comment »

I know I have already lost some of you. But I don’t care. This is for those of us who understand that occasionally it is OK to succumb to the materialistic urges of an insane, modern world in order to feel a whole lot fucking better about your ‘moment.’
Here’s the story.
I woke up feeling grumpy [...]

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THERE’S A DICTATOR IN THE HOUSE…BUT HOW POSITIVE THAT POWER CAN BE…

Posted in Uncategorized on April 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »

If Mussolini had procreated with Stalin (I have Mussolini as being the one who actually gives birth) then perhaps the offspring would’ve been our pre-schooler.
I wouldn’t say she’s defiant, but if you told her that a house fire was not the place to toast a marshmallow, unless you chained her to a fence she’d be [...]

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