A LOAD OF RANDOM HAIRY OLD BOLLOCKS AND PLAYING THE GENERATION GAME

(WARNING: THIS COLUMN MAKES LITTLE SENSE AND HAS THE RHYME AND REASON OF A VANILLA ICE COMEBACK TUNE)
“HEY DAD, IT’S JUST A LOAD OF HAIRY OL’ BOLLOCKS!” said the pre-schooler with a grin as wide as our front door when she jumped into the car with her teenage brother behind her. Even I were a [...]

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‘PIMP ASS DAD…’

“Why can’t you put that bloody thing away?” I said to the teenager regarding the iphone in his hands as we sat outside our favorite Mediterranean place waiting for kabobs and schwerma wraps.
“I’m tweeting!” he replied indignantly.
“What on earth is of consequence enough to tweet now?” I retorted incredulously.
“That I’m having dinner with my Dad!” [...]

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TODAY, I DISCOVERED A NEW PERSONAL JESUS…

Driving too early in the morning and she was nearly uncontrollable. Shouting, yelling, seemingly unable to disconnect from her inner-Moroccan bazaar, a chaotic kerfuffle of audio-physical explosiveness.
7.15am and I could feel my blood-pressure steadily rising…steady…steady…breathe deep…fire up a BBC podcast for the teenager and I…Five Live football daily…boring update, boring interviews, all punctuated by the [...]

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HOWEVER OLD THEY GET, THEY’RE STILL YOUR KIDS…

I have watched the teenager slowly make his way back from knee surgery over the last 10 months. As easy as it hasn’t been for him, it’s also not been easy for me. Watching the quiet diligence, watching the battle to maintain some semblance of fitness, watching the quiet, determined and stoic plod through physical [...]

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BUMFINGER AND THE MARCH TO TOTAL AUTONOMY…

The teenager has just started his final year of High School, and having spent the summer with an expanding wombat splodged on his head plus a smattering of fuzz across his face, he arrived upstairs from his lair the night before his first day back with a blonde crop, a clean shave and decent clothes.
“It [...]

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THE O.T…A SHOW OF REALITIES…

My daughter went to occupational therapy today for the first time.
Why, you ask?
‘I laugh at the antics described here,’ you mutter, ‘what on earth made you do that,?’ you think,’ tut tut tut, another jam-jar label unnecessarily stuck on her head,’ you might be mumbling, although perhaps that last one is the faint echo of [...]

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ENERGY…TWEET…BLOG…BRAIN FART…TIME? AND CLEANING THE WINDOW WITH LOTION…

Despite what I consider to be a herculean effort in the diet and exercise stakes, the pre-schooler can still leave my head in knots and my body twisted like a pretzel. I have absolutely no idea what on earth runs through her veins, but I am increasingly dubious of the fact that it’s pure blood, [...]

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HOLIDAY…HOLIDAY…

6.25 pm and I suddenly panicked amidst flocks of other child-afflicted shapes, all of us milling around the various squeeees and dings and doinks and crashes of the rides which surrounded us.
“!@#$%$#@@” I SCREAMED LOUDLY, and that is not a swear word, it is my pre-schooler’s name but hey, you guessed that right? And I [...]

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IN PRAISE AND MEMORY OF DANI KELLER; SHE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER…

I was about to pop out for a movie when our digital cable box showed the letters ERS. My wife and I turned the TV on to see an Amber Alert (for non-US residents, this is a ‘flash’ message dispatched across state highways and cable systems alerting the public of child abductions). Someone in Novato [...]

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THE PRINCESSES MEET THE SHARP END OF MY CHAINSAW IN SHOCK HORROR BLOODFEAST OF SHREDDED PLASTIC AND CHIFFON…(or something like that)…

It had been a typical summer’s day. A ballet dress had  been worn, ballet shoes traded back and forth with plastic Disney Princess slippers, magic wands had been waved tenfold and dreams of castles, being kissed by Princes and magic kingdoms had been acted out every hour. And so it was that through a curious [...]

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